Every Day I Fight Against Me: Poem

I originally penned this poem on Tuesday 6 December 2016. I edited this second draft and final copy, on Thursday 12 October 2017, at 1:30am. The longer I've held off posting this poem, the more truthful it's become:

Every day I fight.
I fight the feeling
that I'm not good enough.
I fight the truthful devil perched
on my shoulder who
bullies me every day.
He tells me I'm
not good enough,
never will be.
He says that me being alive
is my greatest sin.

I fight my wishes,
dreams and ambitions.
I'm not good enough
or deserving enough
or worthy enough.

I fight against progress.
I fight against my strengths.
I fight myself.

And all the while
I wear a smile
to protect my secrets.
I wear a smile
to avoid reality.
I wear a smile
because
it's easier
than accepting
who I am, who I've
always been.

I wear a mask that
hides my true self
because,
if the real me
ever saw daylight,
I'm frightened
people won't like him.
They'll laugh at him,
call him names.

They'll make it
hard for him
to live like
a 'normal' person.
They'll make it
hard for him
to fit in.
They'll mock him
when he tries harder
than everyone else
to be friendly and
appeal to others.

They'll mock him
for trying
to ask out the
Girl of his Dreams,
and make jokes
as he fails at flirting.
They'll laugh because
he's single,
and reside to torts
about him being gay.
They'll torture him
for his unwanted virginity.
They'll laugh endlessly
because it's easier.

I'm scared about
The Future.
That one day,
he'll get so low
that his brains
end up splattered
across train tracks.

And if he ever did pass,
I'm scared they
won't miss him
because
they never really
knew him
to begin with.
All they
really knew
was his mask:
me.