A place to be free: what is the purpose of this blog?

As I've already mentioned in an earlier post, I've kept this blog as an aside for my own personal ramblings. You see, it just wouldn't be a good idea to mix these personal ramblings with news content on either my WordPress blog or my news website.

I use my WordPress blog to share and discuss my opinions on news stories, both locally and internationally, and sharing those opinions via a blog is something that is encouraged in all Journalists these days.

My news website, however, is an online news portfolio and a home for all news stories written by myself on a freelance basis.

This blog therefore acts as a diary...

It is a place where I really can set my mind free.

A place every I don't have to adhere to the restrictions of society.

A place where I can go to think about my life and insecurities.

A place where I can set my mind at ease.

A place where I can express how I really feel without having to be careful to not post anything which may offend or hurt someone close to me.

A haven for my mind.

Transitions

My 25th Birthday came and went. I enjoyed the day, but turning 25 was not as elatious as I had expected it to be.

To be honest, for the past year, I've thought I was already 25. I felt like I was 25. Every time someone would ask how old I was, I had to stop and think about it, before admitting that I was a mere 24 years old.

And so I've started to wonder. I wonder if my life was better 5 Years ago, and whether my shadows are ever going to catch up with me. They probably will, it's just a matter of when.

Todat I've been reading into my blog title. I know that may make me sound a bit self-conscious, but I'm starting to wonder why I chose the name.

Shadows of my former self - I suppose I was drawing on the use of the name of the film noir I had helped to produce in A-level Media Studies, Shadows Present. But now that I think about it, was I trying to send myself a message? Shadows of my former self - was this a message from my present self to my future self?

I must first clarify that what I refer to as my present self is now, in fact, my past self; and that my future self is now my present self, which is one reason why I entitled this post Transitions.

I'm in a state of transitioning from being educated, to starting out in the world of work. Sure, I've had a couple of jobs in the past, but they were inextricably linked to my life as a university student. Now I'm a person, and I'm expected to just up and get a job. I'm back where I started when I graduated in October 2014 - looking for jobs and feeling helpless again.

I admire my enthusiasm from 6 or 7 years ago, evident in the slogan or sub-title of this blog - “Shadows appear where the light cannot reach, only visible to the observant, all-seeing Eye.”

Exactly what was it that I was trying to say? That your Shadows will always follow you around until you learn to accept they're there and turn around to confront your past? Pretty much.

But that meaning seems all but meaningless now...

5 Years Time

Since my last post, I've been deep in thought. Deep in thought about who I was, who I am, and who I am hoping to become.

I haven't used this blog to vent my mind in a while. I'm frightened to use my newer blog on WordPress because I know a few people read it - people whom I don't want to read these ramblings. I only started using this blog again this year, for the first time in 5 years.

If I think back to when I studied A-level Media Studies at Suffolk New College (2008-2010), one of the videos we had to produce was a music video. It was the second year of the course, and moving on from producing a neo-film noir opening sequence, we now had to find a piece of music and plot a music video for it.

If I remember correctly, although comprised of just 3 people (myself, Josh and Emily), my group decided to make a music video for Noah and the Whale's song 5 Years Time.

I realise they already had a music video, but we decided to make one anyway, as our skills at sourcing out a local group and song were limited at best. As the main cameraman, my creativeness was flowing through my body. When we were out filming in the cold of winter, I was allowed to run wild with my imagination.

We had a plot for our video - a breakup between a boy and a girl, and how the song 5 Years Time was reminiscent of a happy time in the past and a not-so-happy future. We would use the stock, gloomy and very wintery video footage for the present, and edit all of the quirky footage of the happy memories with filters I post production - specifically a 'Super 8mm film' effect, to simulate the happiness and reminiscence of home videos.

Recently, I've been very much relating to the lyrics of the song (and our take on the meaning of them) in the year 2016 - just over 5 years on from when I started blogging about my experiences at university. I wouldn't start blogging about student life professionally for another 2 years (when I would write 3 blogs per fortnight, which worked out at about 6 blogs per month, for the UCS Students' WordPress blog).

I guess my love of blogging came off the back of college - when I had been tasked with blogging about my thoughts, ideas and contributions to our Media Studies group project and keeping a running diary of the production process.

And so, here I am, just over 5 years later, wondering if I was, indeed, happier 5 years ago. I guess I don't really know the answer to that one...