Thing is, it didn't last long as I was not ready for a whole bunch of new emotions, on top of losing my grandma, who was like a 2nd mother to me. I haven't embarked on any serious relationships since then.
I don't often 'hate' anything. In fact, I'm hardly offended by anything. I've been called so many names by so many bullies, I don't think there's any more words left in the Oxford English Dictionary that people could use against me. But silence seems to be the new form of bullying, or that's the treatment I've been getting anyway. Maybe its because I pushed people away last year, but still, I feel like I can't talk anymore to my classmates. I'm at the bottom of the pile again, back at square one, waiting for the opportunity...
The day after my grandma's funeral, one of my best mates died. Unfortunately, since then, whenever I've been in conversation, the hurt and the sadness that I have felt for my grandma doesn't seem to matter? For the last year there has been a gaping hole in my life where she once was... but apparently I'm missing the point?
Maybe it has something to do with me not showing up at the funeral for our mate, but I remember on that morning I was dressed up in my suit, shoes polished and gleaming, and I got to the door... but I just couldn't go. I felt light-headed. I was still recovering from my grandma's death. I had 3 essays due in the following week. And I had to deal with a mate's death as well.
I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone. If I led you on, then I'm sorry for that.
Erm, forgive and forget?
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